“Happiness can be found even in the darkest times if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
~ Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban
I'd love to say that I am okay right now, but the truth is that I am not. I cannot go into the reasons as to why this is, but I am currently dealing with something that has quite literally torn my life apart. Right now, I am coping by trying not to look too far into the future and knitting is such a wonderful therapy for this strategy. When I am knitting, I do not have to look ahead: I concentrate on each stitch at a time and, gradually, something much bigger forms.
It is somewhat appropriate that I am working on this pair of Gryffindor socks. The above quote from Dumbledore in the Prisoner of Azkaban film, provides me with a great reminder that, although I am living through something that is utterly horrendous that I am struggling to come to terms with, I can find moments of comfort.
I can't feel much right now, but my knitting is offering me the reassurance of constancy and companionship. It is a hobby that, in the past, has provided nothing but relaxation and enjoyment. All positive emotion and feeling has gone from my world right now but the knitting reminds me that it will come back. It offers hope at a time when nothing else does.
As is always the case when I am down or stressed or upset, my attitude has been to soldier on. I'm pushing myself into work and hobbies to distract myself and prevent a retraction into the blackest depths of my own shattered mind. So far as is possible, I've been forcing myself to disguise the fact that something is wrong from the people all around me. I've also done my best to avoid people outside of work, lest my façade slips.
I have been splitting my hobby time between these socks and my sock yarn blanket (a long overdue update on this is coming soon!). I've finished the first sock, using an afterthought heel.
At the moment, I'm about half way up the foot of the second sock. Admittedly, I think I could have finished the pair this past weekend were it not for the fact I became wholly absorbed in adding more mitred squares into my blanket following a delivery of mini skeins.
Nonetheless, these socks are valuable: they remind me, at a time I need it most, of the messages that come from the Harry Potter series:
That good triumphs evil.
That hope can overcome fear.
That it is possible to take strength from pain.
I need all of that right now.
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